Things To Do On A Saturday Afternoon

So, I’m looking for something to do with my temperamental teenager this weekend. Why is this a challenge I think to myself? My god, I live in one of the liveliest, most interesting and wildly energetic cities in the world and all my kids seem to want to do is text, text, text.

They text stuff constantly, incessantly and even while they are sitting on the toilet. They text things in a new foreign language with expressions like “OMG”: oh my god, “abc”: already been chewed or we've already discussed that, “*asl”: Age, sex, location – apparently, the person on the other end is asking for information on these things, “pos”: parent over shoulder, “ctn”: Can't talk now, “*td2m”: Talk dirty to me, “b3”: Blah, blah, blah, “ptb”: Please text back, “b4n”: Bye for now, “bbs”: Be back soon.

Now what do I do with this sort of competition beaming in from their cyber friends who are spread out everywhere and available anytime? I mean, let’s look at it this way, you discover some educational event that is taking place on Saturday at MOMA. You hope they will be interested and have some fun and maybe even learn something. You would like to help them expand their cultural horizons and your main form of competition for their intellectual future is a text message from a cyber pal that reads: “lol omg td2m but ctn pos b3 b4n bbs (: ”. Translation: laugh out loud oh my god talk dirty too me but can’t talk now parent over shoulder blah, blah, blah bye for now be back soon smile. And, I think out loud O-M-G! Enough already! Pleeeeeeeease make it stop! Or, in the lexicon of the new language – OMG EA PMS!

But I’m patient. I’m a parental professional. Yeah, I’m good huh? --“lol” (laugh out loud). I’m moving and grooving “cuz” (because) I’m in the know of the cyber mojo.  I am the Downtown Daddy. But, I still want to cut their freeking little fingers off. Ah, but alas, I must remember that I’m the adult. I must stand tall above this tragic form of intellectual degradation even though I’m the one paying an additional $20 bucks a month for their right to squander their time. But, that’s ok. I can take it because I’m the @##$%^ parent! So what do I do with this? What do you guys, you other dad’s do with it? I’d like to know. I know I’m not alone in all this. Talk to me guys!

Challenged with his texting obsession, I decided to do something with my 14-year-old son that I enjoy doing. And, as I recalled, he seemed to be fond of doing with me the previous summer during his bi-weekly trips into the city. It also occurred to me that he would not be able to indulge in texting while doing it. Yeeeesssss! So, on a recent unseasonably hot Saturday afternoon, I asked him if he wanted to cruise up the Hudson River Park bike path on our bicycles? I said we could stop for lunch at that outdoor café we ate at last summer - - located around 72^nd Street under the Joe DiMaggio overpass. He uncharacteristically jumped all over it and said, “yeah Dad, that place is cool, I really like doing that.” I’m thinking to myself, all right then, let’s do it. And, off we went into the great adventure.

Now, given this is about a four mile one way excursion up the river from my home in Tribeca, this meant that he could not text and ride simultaneously. At least I did not think he could even though I had previously observed that he could walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. Wow, off-line for about one half hour. He must really love to bike. Hmmm, but why? I started to wonder just a wee bit about his attraction to this activity. Curiously, I asked him what he enjoyed about biking along the river? To my surprise he didn’t text me the answer, he actually used real words to tell me that he “liked being outdoors. Like, you know, I kinda like to check out the sites and stuff and to like, watch the people -- especially in the summertime”.

What’s the bit about the people watching? Hmmm, I thought to myself, “people watching especially in the summertime”. What was it about those words that made me think there was a more powerful reason than his simply viewing park greenery, colorful flowers and the green sparkling water of the mighty historic Hudson River? I was suspicious. I was probing the not so deep inner sanctum of the male adolescent mind because I, the dad, intuitively knew there was more too this than met the eye.

And then it hit me right between the eyes. It was precisely what met his eyes that were the attraction. Ah ha! The missing bit that led to the discovery of noble truth with a capital “T”. Ah, yes. Yes, of course! Why it’s so obvious fellow dads. He has what we have! And yeah, ok, he’s like 14. Eureka! Sacre Coeure! He’s producing male testosterone in mass quantities and at an alarming rate especially when his twin turbo engines fire up like the Space Shuttle during its launch sequence. OMG! Hellooooo ladies. “TD2M”. Why, it must be the bikini clad female joggers!! No wonder it’s one of his favorite things to do -- it’s his fantasy love fest on a sultry summer afternoon.

I immediately picked up my Blackberry and texted him to get confirmation of my theory. He responded instantaneously and confirmed what I had suspected! Isn’t this great I think too myself with a tear in my eye. We are communicating - - really communicating! I text him back -- good talk son.

Tune in next week for more adventures of the Downtown Daddy! In the meantime, please share your Dad stories, adventures, concerns and advice on my Blog. The Blog for Dad’s, by Dad’s and about being a Dad - - god knows, we need all the support we can get - - it ain’t easy being us!